Closure

April 29, 2015
by Michael
comments 33
Poetry

So…
Jesus and I are taking a little break.
You have to set boundaries.
have to have to have to have to

My side is like this:
after a couple of fervent decades
during which time I was strung out
on mantras, kale juice,
free range chicken egg beaters,
galactically resonating yoga poses,
tantric how-to illustration books,
and uncompromising techniques of detachment,
I turned the cracked pavement corner
of my block to square up
my AM walk for the home stretch,
observing with pride the way
the white-hot, light-refracting stripes
of my new Puma sweats
were cutting through the morning pallor
like the afterimage of a light saber duel,
when lo! my brothers! my sisters!
I looked to the sky
just in time to see
a three foot diameter hail stone
bowl a strike through my
living room.

That was the last straw, dammit.
The trophy room, though struck by ice,
displayed signs of highly exothermic processes.

When you see yin and yang
conspiring to defeat the sanctity
of your own dwelling,
you can guess you know who is at it,
whose name we do not speak,
lest he overhear our thoughts
and take it upon himself
to emerge from the center
of our chest like a rosebud
octave progression
of grace and compassion
threatening to obliterate
everything you’ve worked for
in your entire life
and to which
you are rightfully entitled.

Enough said.
I need a stable catalyst
of my personal apocalypse,
not one of these karmic gunslinger types.

So,
I see Jesus now
standing in the corner,
wordless and serene
while I order my coffee,
or on top of buildings
off in the distance
while I’m driving
down the highway.
He hands me a towel
when I step out of the shower,
and shows me the ripe apples
in the supermarket.
But I still don’t look his way.
No.

You have to set boundaries.
have to have to have to have to

Then one day my friend
with the season tickets
found somebody else
or the season was over
or my favorite pitcher needed Tommy John’s
or something,
and I couldn’t remember
a single one of my mantras
or poses or practices
and suddenly I was on my knees
in the middle of fifth avenue,
crumpled over on the manhole cover,
bathed in the white plume
of a leaking subterranean steam valve,
quivering like a jello sculpture
undergoing low frequency attunements.
I was trying to conduct business
with the sky itself,
somehow oblivious of the fact that
a three foot diameter ball of ice
had already been visited upon me
in an utterly benign fashion,
and the answer had preceded the question.

And he was there.
Like he always is.
On all four sides,
holding up traffic
with the palm of his hand,
and hovering in the air
above me, letting my every thought
filter through his chest,
and crouched beside me
with his arms wrapped around me,
whispering in my ear:

My friend…
my friend…
let me help you…
Perhaps it is time
to conclude
this sacred
transaction…

33 Comments

  2. Hariod Brawn says

    Quite wonderful imagery as always Michael; the self-effacement and ever-present pointing to the absurdity of the human condition (me too!) bring a broad smile to the face once again. Are you saying you’re taking a blogging break, or am I (mis)reading too much into this?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Michael says

      No, Hariod, no breaks are envisioned save the usual three or four day immersion in the wilderness of experience, scrounging about for a moment or two of joyful inspiration. I was just thinking of how funny it struck me, to take a break from the fullness of my own heart. As if such were even possible… And yet in our suffering, I think we discover ultimately in one form or another, we somehow have done just that…! Thank you for reading and for the kind words as always.

      Michael

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  3. Karin says

    Wonderful metaphors for the feelings of defeat and gratitude on the journey.
    Ah, yes , the spiritual path is dangerous. I wonder whether we can buy insurance against the loss of the roof of self by cosmic hailstones? 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Michael says

      Oh, Karin, I love this idea! I think it is what we really do! Ask for rain even as we resist getting wet. Hedge our bets. Walk around with little umbrellas we think will protect us, not having previously confronted the three foot diameter hailstones hurtling towards our egoic stasis with reckless abandon. I guess my answer is we all arrive in this world fully insured… 🙂

      Much Love
      Michael

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. Sue Dreamwalker says

    Amazing journey and especially liked ” and suddenly I was on my knees in the middle of fifth avenue, crumpled over on the manhole cover,…… 🙂 wonderful visuals you create with your words.. 🙂 Hope you got the roof repaired 🙂 and its stopped hailing..

    have a Peaceful weekend Michael..
    Sue

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Michael says

      Thank you, Sue. Is this week almost over already!? My, it has flown past… To Karin’s point, perhaps I will try a night or two without cover, sleeping in the debris of my past, but no longer sheltered from the starlight. This assumes, as you point out, the closure of the cosmic bowling lanes… of which I have no guarantee… But we are fully insured, so why not enjoy the freedom that has underwritten our very existence!

      Have a great weekend also-
      Michael

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Harlon says

        I am. Thank you, nature is so alive. My first Goldfinch sightings, flowers…there is a natural high, and nature is the source. Hope your weekend similarly spectacular! H.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • Michael says

          I think you’re north of me, Harlon. The goldfinches have been here for a couple weeks now, but the wave of spring is creeping up along the map! Those little guys are hogs on the feeders! Our chickadees can hardly get in a seed edgewise!

          Michael

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  7. Muddy Up and Clear says

    Goosebumps!!
    Bravo Michael.
    No more searching and doing.
    Just chillin’ like a villain!
    “When action is seen to be necessary, this is exactly when a time of stillness is needed” — C 25.23
    Resting in Love … always knowing … effortlessly moving … out in the world.
    Bodhisattvas … or at least baby ones!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Michael says

      Thank you, Christina. I am grateful for the quotation you have selected. I should probably have had it tattooed on my forehead for the past year or two… 🙂

      Like so many great quotes from these Courses we love, I find there are any number of ways to read them… For instance, the trap I think is the necessary element. When we are slaves to the necessary, it can be painful. But when our actions are the expression of the beauty and desire within us– the latent energy of who we are given freedom to out– I think it can be perfect, and perhaps effortless even in the action of it, as you have expressed in your own words…

      Peace
      Michael

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  8. Muddy Up and Clear says

    With you all the way Michael … nothing IS necessary, for in truth, we need do nothing.
    Though there sure as heck is a lot of “…action SEEN to be necessary” 🙂 Haha!
    Hugs xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Michael says

      Yes. One day alone seems to be sufficient to leave a trail of shattered necessaries in its wake… On the way to…?

      Peace!
      Michael

      Like

      Reply
  9. stockdalewolfe says

    Setting boundaries– you have to in order to survive. I love so many of the images. Some words paint images too close to home when mid breakdown I lived in another world. Have to let go when reading your poetry but will Jesus be there to pick up the pieces?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Michael says

      Ha! Yes, you do have to set a few boundaries from time to time… Jesus will be there if invited. Or Mooji. Or Hafiz. Or the Buddha. I think they all (and many more) respond to the pure call of the heart… Our breakdowns occur in isolation, when the world has shrunken to a point and is squeezing us from all sides… Very difficult, in fact impossible to navigate on one’s own. But these agents of timeless healing are quite adept at fitting onto the head of a pin, and staging rescue missions into places that have collapsed into too fine a point… I do hope you are well…

      Peace
      Michael

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  10. lorriebowden says

    Ah! Michael…how happy I am that I did not miss this one 🙂 I think I, too, have taken a break such as this at different times in my life. And then when I think about it deeply…I, like you, see that a break is never really possible. And those self imposed boundaries can be highly overrated 😉 Blessings ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Michael says

      Thank you, Lorrie. Yes, these types of boundaries are, at best, futile attempts at retreat from the horizons of our own lives. Sometimes we get caught up in the type of thinking and self-assessment that says, “I’ve been doing or being blankety-blank for long enough, and I sure do deserve from results by now…!” A shaky line of thinking, that one! Highly overrated indeed…! 🙂

      Blessings to you also–
      Michael

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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