Recently, through a series of clicks, I found myself watching a YouTube video of Julia Galef decrying the habit many of us have, in discussions with or about people who are different from us, of saying, “I just don’t understand how anyone could… [think, say, or do whatever it is the unfathomable ones in our lives think, say, or do…]” In her video she used the example of Richard Feynman, who once recounted a discussion […]
I finished my first Nabokov yesterday. Lolita. I thought it was shockingly good—delicate, grimy and translucent all at once—though I’m acutely aware I will need to read it another time or two if I wish to speak intelligently about it. As I sit here and wonder how to take the seething swarm inside of me and capture it somehow on the page, I’m realizing it’s an interesting opportunity to continue the vein I began in […]
[Part 1] The biggest challenge of my young life was finding my way to a meaningful existence. Like all children I wanted to enjoy myself and have fun, but something about this desire required companions, and from an early age I discovered true companions were hard to come by. My settings as a being have always been oriented towards introspection, and because I was gifted intellectually and also fairly athletic, and perhaps because of other […]
I like ideas that change the room completely and clap me numb as a board, and I have found that in both scientific and spiritual domains—in all encounters with genuine discovery—moments arise producing a sense of awe. This awe is like a resonance of my heart. I think conventional knowledge would suggest that the heart’s ways of knowing and intellectual ways of coming to understanding are unrelated, but I have to confess I don’t see […]
Welcome Home Everywhere you go, silence follows. Peace and quiet have this down to a science. They send out their tails to watch and record everything that happens while you’re out there looking for that certain something someone somewhat somewhere– trying to get better. They blend in undercover and look like exactly what’s happening. They’re armed with technology. Don’t look for them, though. This isn’t the time for paranoia. Just be prepared: when you do […]
A cabin in the woods sounds infinitely better than a shack in the city, which is exactly why I went–to trade in the grime and the grind for the sunlight and the silence. I sold it to myself as two nights and three days. You get these big ideas. You get these big ideas and they carry you along. You move from one to the next like you’re hopping from stone to stone across a […]
I’m still learning the lesson of the birds. The one about sitting in the cover of spruce needles wearing the colors of fire and not questioning my birdness. Just letting it happen. Not questioning the tides of daylight and nightfall that inhabit me, that rinse my memory clean of silt and jagged edges and leave me singing about sitting in the cover of spruce needles wearing the colors of fire. I’m still learning that lesson […]
I happened upon Barbara’s site a few weeks ago when she was mulling over the idea of a second round of Awakening Experiences, and told her I would like to participate. Then I promptly disappeared into the marrow of my life for a few weeks. She pinged me with a reminder last week sometime and asked if I was still willing, and wondered if I would take February 2nd. I chuckled at her unsolicited selection, […]
We don’t really know how it starts. It just gets sprung on us. This life. Suddenly, we are aglow. In the open. Sensitive to the touch. Metabolic. Molten. Astonished. Hanging in space. Once, after years of an ongoing ruckus, I reached a certain condition– a sweet spot just above the wick where I was something between a whirl, a mountain pass, a coyote’s sidelong gaze, and a penniless hunger, all dressed-up as a flame. I […]
Two, three—call it four decades on, and I’m both better and worse. I’ve settled into it in the way that precedes disappearance, as if I was placed in the back of an otherwise empty cabinet, sheltered by the presence of wood, where I’ve become a study in knowing something more that you can only glimpse in the repair of oily machinery, or the bailing of water from a low spot on the land where two surveyors […]
Embracing Forever 