Paper Vision and a Turnaround

comments 36
Christ / Poetry

A cardboard tube
can make all the difference,
and I’ll tell you how.

Walking
through a flavor of solitude
in which I find myself sometimes,
covering my face to ward off
the trace of distant putrefaction,
and squinting into the heat
to see if my suspicion is correct
about the horizon stockpiling
behind its dusty curvature
all the sad carcasses
not fortunate enough
to receive a proper burial–
I’m wheezing in the fumes
of my own dissolution,
choking on the smoking obvious
hanging all around me.
It’s the clarity of meaning so little,
of drifting along the dried-up riverbed,
wandering past abandoned homes
with torn screen doors,
seeing just enough bones
protruding from the skin
of this broken tongue of ash
to make you think
they’re mile markers.

The songs I had have all withered
under the weight of measurement.

But
a cardboard tube
at a time like this…
a cardboard tube
can make all the difference.
Because first, if you let it,
it’ll give you the feeling
you’re looking for something
you can’t see without it.
You’ll get this glint in your eye.
You might even imagine you’re standing
at the prow of a great sailing vessel,
and focus, for instance, on one pixel of sky.
That little point of color will confound you.
You’ll be forced to look at another one.
Eventually, your experiments will wander
to the bottom of your shoe,
and you’ll find the stench
is not the bloodthirsty horizon,
but a couple of those vomit-flavored
jelly beans from the mall
you haplessly squashed
into the gum rubber grooves
of your inadequate footwear,
forcing them into rhythmic release
of their vehement fumes wherever you go.

Yes, it’s your fault,
if you want to call it that…
but also…
a simple thing
like a cardboard tube
can probably help you scrape
those rubber wrinkles clean…

Okay… I know…
The heavy stuff…
The hot dust in every direction…
The bones sticking up here and there…
The meaninglessness wearing you down
inside and out… sinking into your mind
like a thick mud.
What about that…?

Well this is what I mean
about that cardboard tube.
I look up from the scraping
of my scratch and sniff shoe sole,
raising the tube towards the level again,
and am interrupted by another set of footwear–
glittering, breathable fabrics and reflectors.
Scanning upwards, I see two legs,
a pair of shorts, a shirt, and then
eventually an eye.

Jesus is holding his cardboard tube, too.
He can’t be more than three feet away.
We’re just looking, eye to eye
through the spiral-wound paper wormhole,
completing an ancient circuit.
I came to find you, he says.
You’re doing that thing again…
Using the full power of the seen and the unseen
to see what makes futility futile.
You figure it out yet…?

His eye is like a–
like an I don’t know what–!?
like a double-dog dare drowning in trance,
or the eye of a savvy desert bandito–
one of those unruffable, slow-talkers
with a six shooter on his hip,
a belt loaded with world-changers,
and a fleet of doves at his beck and call.
Snap of the fingers
and you have cosmic messages
flying in from every point on the compass.

One glimpse of sanity changes everything.
One taste of unity
and inevitability turns in your favor.
You can’t pretend after that.
That’s how the cardboard tube saves me.
Small movements. Holy sight.
Now I want to start fresh.
I want to pour myself into the day’s mold.
Go buy a gigantic trampoline
and position it under the moon.
Hang a microphone off the
shirt pocket of a black hole.
Paint a bulls-eye on my shirt
and walk out onto the water.

Drink a thimbleful of our love,
stare out beyond the sea,
and chuckle about why I ever wrote this one.

Secret Codes, and Holy Vision

comments 28
Poetry

What I told Hafiz
when I opened the bedroom door
and entered the main living area
after my daily five or so minutes
of high-intensity,
mid-morning meditation
on the illumined heart of being,
was that I was finally prepared
to commit myself
to crossing the Sea of Meaninglessness–
to enduring the winds of fate,
the firecracker heavens,
and whatever battering-about
goes on out there–
to gritting my teeth
at the sight of hungry kraken
and surrendering myself
to the celestial mercies
of whatever might come next,
and to reaching the far shore
where Love alone endures,
where I would land
with whatever scraps of myself were left,
washed clean by my travails,
never to look back again.

A beautiful, warm smile
spread across Hafiz’ face.

Then mine as well.

Though mine was more like
an uncertain, facial scrunch
of going along with whatever
unscripted events were suddenly
opening up the floor beneath me.

Then Hafiz told me
how much he loved it
when I spoke in one of my secret codes.
And that, yes–!
he would love to have
my help in the fields…
There were many
ripening figs to harvest…
And the light
had been so glorious recently…
Such a perfect place
to share with friends…

The light bulb in my mind’s eye
clinked all of a sudden,
sounding briefly like
a skirmish of watch springs,
then the filament popped apart,
cauterizing itself at either end
before fizzling into a
collapsing darkness.

You have to be careful
around these Love Gazers,
because sometimes
they just hear whatever
they want to hear.

Like when I stood there
marooned in my own living room,
smirking, and quite possibly snorting,
with bemused disbelief.
And Hafiz, that freakin’ Love Gazer,
just smiled broader and lit right up,
his eyes twinkling with delight,
as if I’d thrown in a new cherry picker
and a platoon of ag-school interns.

What world do you see, man…???
I muttered, putting my dishes in the sink.
Then I retired to my bedroom
to sneak in another power session
of heart-opening practices
before the harvest.

Seeing Beyond Our Notions of Self and God

comments 32
Christ / Course Ideas

This is the third and final piece I’ve written in response to the quotation challenge that Ka presented to me back in June.  I have had some fun enjoying a day off today, searching through A Course of Love for some juicy ones.  That is an activity that could quickly get out of hand for me…  The quotes I’ve selected are somewhat in reaction to a series of mouse-clicks yesterday that landed me on a page devoted to exposing the ignorant tomfoolery of believing in “God”.

As so often happens when I read what is written on these pages, I mourn the short-sightedness of theists and atheists alike in their clinging to false notions of both self and God—notions that can lead only to suffering.  It is a great tragedy of this world that the fear arising from the singular misperception of separateness fosters such rigidity of thought, indifference to the feelings of the heart, and reluctance to seek out ever-deepening understanding of one another and the reality in which we abide.  I believe strongly that the healing of false notions of self is coincident with the healing of false notions of God, and that what emerges is a landscape requiring adherence to the historical vocabulary of neither one.

Let’s start simply…

An interesting idea that has emerged in modern physics is that of relational theories.  I am probably not going to say this in a way that strictly adheres to the physicists’ definition, but the idea is that the properties of all the particles and fields in our universe are in a sense derived from, or related to, one another.  This is not a new idea for those who keep the doctrines of inter-being and dependent co-arising close to their hearts, but it is somewhat new to science, which for a long time pictured particles as little kingdoms unto themselves, with properties that were theirs and theirs alone.  This is not unlike the “old” pictures of the self and God: each was independent, separated into their domains and spheres of influence, with perhaps the potential for interaction, but only the types of interaction that occur when one discreteness bumps into another.

I’ve pulled out a passage or two from A Course of Love to start us off that tie to the idea that relationship is primary– not only between selves and God, but as the very essence of what both are.

God is being in union and relationship. This is what God is. God is being. God is relationship. God is union.

All relationship is relationship with God Who Is Love.

Can you begin to visualize or perceive your true identity as relationship itself? And what of God? Can you unlearn all concepts and free your mind to accept all relationship instead? If all meaning and all truth lies in relationship, can you be other than relationship itself? Can God? Can you imagine relationship rather than singular objects and bodies, as all that exists, and thus who you are and who God is? Is it such a huge leap to go from saying you only exist in relationship to you only exist as relationship? You think it is, and feel yourself further diminished and lacking in identity just by contemplating such an idea.

An important element in these statements is the notion that Love is at the foundation of all relationship.  Love is not a human parameter, or one of those emergent phenomena that come from the complex interactions of many simple elements.  Love is not what you get when you mix everything in the pot and let their flavors mingle, encouraging their chemistries to sparkle and twitter.  Love is the root.  Love has no attributes or qualities.  Love is not a feeling that is ours to give or withhold.

The key to overcoming the experience of and the desire for discreteness and independence that together have caused so much suffering is the willingness to experience union.  In A Course of Love, as in many teachings, this comes from correcting our false notions of identity, and I would further say the correction of our false notions of that which we have called God.  I think the two must go hand-in-hand.  This next passage was, I thought, a beautiful discussion of what we are called to offer in our journey to healing this mythical divide within us and our world.

Joining rests on forgiveness. This you have heard before without understanding what it is you would forgive. You must forgive reality for being what it is. Reality, the truly real, is relationship. You must forgive God for creating a world in which you cannot be alone. You must forgive God for creating a shared reality before you can understand it is the only one you would want to have. You have to forgive this reality for being different than you have always imagined it to be. You have to forgive yourself for not being able to make it on your own, because you have realized the impossibility of doing so. You have to forgive yourself for being what you are, a being who exists only in relationship. You have to forgive all others for being as you are. They too cannot be separate, no matter how hard they try. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. Forgive God. Then you will be ready to begin learning just how different it really is to live in the reality of relationship.

Forgiveness in A Course in Miracles and A Course of Love is the act of seeing beyond falsehood.  It is not cleansing the palette from a long-held bitterness because someone approached you in the right way, or was truly repentant in your eye.  These inner acts of condemnation and release merely perpetuate suffering, and foster inappropriate ideas of who is worthy and who is not.  Nor is forgiveness the reluctant, but “higher-road” tolerance for things that are other than we might like them to be.  Forgiveness is the courage, or the willingness, to see things as they are—to see so differently that one discovers, unexpectedly perhaps, the impossibility that the truth of things could ever be improved upon or corrected.  It is profoundly difficult for theists and atheists alike to look upon themselves and the world in this way, which is called unity.  In this way of seeing, the word God simply refers to all relationship, the relationship of each to each and all to all—a relatedness that exists beyond and outside of time and space.

I think the importance of this reconciliation is staggering.  Who among us does not wish the suffering of this world were no longer?  Yet it will be perpetuated so long as we fail to grasp and embrace our relatedness, not as merely the physical and virtual interactions we have, but as the very nature of our existence.  What emerges from the return to unity, from the unlearning of separate selves and a separate God, is the power to birth new life.

In A Course of Love, the freeing of our world from being the painful re-enactment of separation that it has been for so long, to the living expression of unity that we seek, is termed “the creation of the new”.  It is the movement of Creation that arises from the dialogue within us that unity alone can broker.

All relationship is but relationship between Creator and Created. The new means of thinking is referred to here as the “art” of thought in order to call your wholehearted attention to the continual act of creation that is the relationship between Creator and Created. Creation is but a dialogue to which you have not responded.

Creation of the new has begun. We are an interactive part of this creative act of a loving Creator. Creation is a dialogue. Creation—which is God and us in unity—will respond to our responses. Will respond to what we envision, imagine and desire. Creation of the new could not begin without you. Your willingness for the new, a willingness that included the leaving behind of the old, a willingness that included the leaving behind of fear and judgment and a separate will, was necessary to begin creation of the new. Your former willingness to accept the old but kept creation’s power harnessed to the old. Does this not make perfect sense when you realize that creation, like God, is not “other than” who you are? How could creation proceed on to the new without you?

False notions of self and false notions of God ensnare us in intellectual ballyhoo that merely spin our cosmic tires.  The way forward, the way of unity, begins with the willingness to recognize that our desire for separate selves and a separate God or gods merely foil our most urgent desires.  The way forward begins with the desire to experience another way.

Is it time, perhaps, to stop debating the existence of what never was, and never will be?  To accept that perhaps we were all wrong about who we are, and God is?

Begging For Real

comments 37
Poetry

One day I was astonished
to find Hafiz giving instruction
to a cadre of beggars.
He was explaining to us
how much better off we would be,
if we were drunk right from the get go,
and he was passing out copies
of his latest poem, saying,
Drink these my friends…
Drink these with the rising sun…
The idea being–
all our surly ideas about fate
and how things really work
and who could of and should of
and what’s irretrievably wrong
would wander off together in babbling circles,
cussing at their reflections in the city glass
and wondering if pigeons
ever laid double-yolkers,
leaving in their wake
the most honest, hollowed-out begging possible:
that cavernous hunger for connection,
the tenderness of needs boiled
all the way down to need itself,
and the blissful forgetting
of that massive, faceless wall
looming ever in the distance
like a creeping field of shadow–
that great, unshaped demon we called The End.
When our begging
has that soft edge to it–
when it has been floated
on the drunken warmth of poems
and turned inside out,
leaving only the fine residue
of attentiveness and possibility,
the gift of a warm smile
or a soft turn of phrase emerges from us naturally,
spilling joyfully into the crowds,
as our needs all squeak out of us as gifts.
That’s when a Stranger draws near,
sits down, draws a map of the stars
hidden behind the day’s blue sky,
places a You Are Here sticker
in the center of it all, smiles,
then heads out into the blinding light
to check on somebody else,
leaving behind sandwiches and coffee,
a few extra copies of the star maps,
and other, less tangible evidence
of eternity’s
ubiquitous
Presence.

A Day I Remember

comments 28
Poetry

On that summer day,
that I still remember…
doorways beckoned
from every direction,
hovering near stacked horizons
as if the Beloved
had hung wreaths
of heat and time along
our world’s borders.
There were voices
you could see occasionally,
ribbons of them
wafting up from the ends
to mix with the sky
like jugs of clear sap
poured into whiskey,
swirling and touching noses
and everything at once…
merging.
And the air, too.
The air….!
—pickling in its own fervor,
oxidizing the edges
of purple and yellow flowers
into a golden patina,
and swelling around the trees.
Stoves of grass gone to seed lay thick,
leaned over by the light
and spilling in waves
from their earthen containers.
Bears stumbling into the open
knew they had died,
and rejoiced.
The whole scene
was an opening and a fullness
that day,
every leaf a dreaming.

I remember
that summer day, still,
because I was in on it,
and so thick with the memory
of what was being said
I’d had to flatten out wide
from one horizon to the other,
suffusing entire meadows
with what was left of the day before,
just so I could hold that one…
And every point–
on that summer day
when I lost my footing
and fell straight into falling–
was a perfectly weighted brush
with the magnitude
of our passing away,
our disappearing one into the another,
as the petals of our hearts
dropped off here and there,
where the light was too much,
to wander into the sky.

Surrendering to the Creative Self

comments 26
Book Reviews / Science

In this, the second of three pieces developed in response to Ka’s quotation challenge, I want to explore briefly the ideas and work of Christopher Alexander, an architect, writer and thinker whose work has had a profound impact on me.  The quotes I’ve selected all come from his four volume series entitled The Nature of Order.  I don’t remember exactly how I discovered this work, but I do remember knowing instantly that I desired to read the entire collection, and that the investment in the books would be worth it.

I wasn’t disappointed.  The books themselves are beautiful, full of artwork, shape, texture and color from around the world, both historical and modern, as well as images from Alexander’s own personal and professional work.  I think it was probably close to eight years ago when I found these books, and I continue to be inspired by these works today.

It is exceedingly difficult to narrow down the contents of these four books into a concise post, as they expound not only a new architectural theory, but explore as well the profound relationship that exists between the human—the builder, or creative agent—and the world.  I’ve decided to select quotes centered around the notion of the self, an enigmatic phenomenon that is fundamental to Alexander’s architectural theory and that has been a periodic subject of discussion here also.

A key argument of these works is that modern architecture is built upon hollow concepts—that it is centered around image.  Works built around images that do not drawing their meaning and their context from the surrounding world, that do not infuse space with life, and that are not responsive to our deepest needs as human beings are typical of the modern approach to building.  At the root of all this, is the disconnected self.

In the first book in the series, The Phenomenon of Life, Alexander writes about the importance of the personal experience.

“The trivialization of the word ‘personal’ is part of our present popular culture, immersed in mechanistic cosmology.  But from the point of view of the world-picture in this book, ‘personal’ is a profound objective quality which inheres in something.  It is not idiosyncratic but universal.  It refers to something true and fundamental in a thing itself.

“I believe all works which have deep life and wholeness in them are ‘personal’ in this sense.  Indeed, this quality is an essential and necessary part of what I have identified as life in things.  When we deal with the field of centers, we are dealing with a realm of personal feeling in which feeling is a fact—as much a fact as the radiation from the sun, or the swinging of a pendulum.”

One of Alexander’s chief concerns throughout this series is that we come home to the personal feelings in our own hearts, and not proceed from the abstractions of thought and theory alone.  In some interesting research that he conducted, he created thirty or so different templates of alternating black and white squares.  Each template had the same number of overall squares, but differing sequences of black and white.  They represented wide ranging studies in terms of pattern complexity, sequences, symmetries, etc.  He then asked a large group of people in a controlled study to rank the templates according to which one most accurately reflected their “eternal self”.  Alternately, by which generated within the participant the most “wholesome feeling”.  The results were striking.  There is a universality to the personal—a recognition of wholeness, beauty and order that are not merely “tastes”, or “opinions”.

This self that Alexander is referring to is explored in further detail in the fourth book of the series, The Luminous Ground.  It is, as we will see, not what is often termed an ego—a false self striving to achieve existence in its own right, apart from all that is.  Rather, it emerges as quite the opposite.  Alexander’s own words will serve best here (emphasis retained from the original):

“I wish to say that the relatedness through which I feel that my own self and the tree in the field are directly connected is the most fundamental relation that there is.  I wish to say that it is in this relatedness—in realizing my connection between my own self and the tree, or the pond, or the road or the grass—that I learn, feel, understand, that I am of the world, that I partake of the world, and it is in this relation that my real connection with the universe may be understood and experienced by me.

“I claim that the relatedness between myself and a thing in the world which encourages my relatedness is the most fundamental, most vivid way in which I exist as a human being.  When it occurs, my own self—the degree to which I am connected to the world, the degree in which I partake of the interior ‘something’ that underlies all matter—is then glorified, is at its zenith, and I then experience myself, as I truly am, a child of the universe, a creature which is undivided and a part of everything: a small extension of a greater and infinite self.

“I claim, therefore, that this simple relation between myself and the treestump by the pond, which moves me, is a connection so profound that my full existence in the universe is made solid, is manifested, is captured by it in its entirety.  It is not a small moment.  It is the glory of my existence as a person—no matter how humble I am—which I can feel so long as I am in the presence of nature or in the presence of other human-made structures which, too, have the same living structure and hence the capacity to form this bond with me.”

The process and the aim of creating buildings, paintings, or vases is therefore one of mobilizing the relatedness one feels within to create life in the world—to add to the life of the world by accessing the childlike self within and bringing it forth.  Alexander suggests this requires a certain desire and willingness on the part of ourselves as builders, a state of mind in which the egoic self is set aside, and all focus is upon becoming one with the world.

“…to make a thing which [has life], I struggle—myself, the maker—to become one with the world.  This sounds nice.  It sounds like religious stuff again.  But I am doing it only to become better, only because I do want, in the end to make a perfect thing.  It is terribly hard, because to become one with the world, I must genuinely want to become one with it.  I have to catch each flash of ‘wouldn’t this little detail be great’ and kill it.  Instead I must keep on the hard work of paying attention, trying to understand what I need to make the deep feeling come forth.

“This means that I must genuinely give up all the remnants of my desire to be separate.  I must genuinely seek, and want, and open my arms to being not separate.  Most of the time I fail.  I fail because, to do it, I must honestly give up every last trace of wanting to be distinct, famous, separate, identifiable.  That is one reason why I have to do so many experiments—trying, testing, failing, failing, failing—then once in a blue moon, one time in twenty, occasionally succeeding.  I fail those nineteen times because I am trying to think something, I think I have a good idea.  Then the twentieth time, somehow, when I am lucky, something perfect sneaks in, without my knowing it.  But I have to be fast enough to catch it when the time comes.”

I love the process Alexander describes, and I think creative people in any discipline or field can perhaps recognize traces of the familiar in his process.  The egoic self dissolves, and the truly creative moment emerges as the one most deeply expressing the unity of self and world.  The act of building, is thus the act of joining self and world together, as one, in the presence of the human being.  The conclusion to which Alexander arrives is that this creative process of surrendering to not-separateness, while revealing the universal, paradoxically discloses the profoundly meaningful content of the personal.

“This is, perhaps, the central mystery of the universe: that as things become more unified, less separate, so also they become most individual, and most precious.”

Alexander’s writing speaks deeply to me about the fundamental union of the human being and the world, and the self that emerges in his process is the dynamic expression of a fundamental relatedness.  I cannot think of a more beautiful task than the one Alexander advocates: the healing of ourselves and the world by becoming a personal window peeking into the universal.

Something Stupendous

comments 29
Poetry

At the center
of every human being,
something stupendous
is happening–
something deadpan
naked
beautiful,
a trembling
madness,
a high outcropping
of multiplying
swooning
cliff diving
lovers.

I don’t know
what it is,
but I think
it might be related
to the fact
that the sky
is peppered
with drums so vast
their beats
shake galaxies out of the darkness
like dust from the Beloved’s rug,
that it’s full
of light transmissions,
secret messages,
and the odd comet,
and that each morning,
just before dawn, the sky
draws near to the earth
and brushes her cheek
just so
with the back of its hand,
and whispers
I love you
in her ear.

Hemlock trees
hermit crabs
and leopards
are also related
somehow,
but I’m still
trying to piece
this whole thing
together.

What Barn.

comments 33
Poetry

You will never find water
that isn’t in cahoots
with all the other water.
Even the last drop
of a dried-up lake
has the idea
of the sea
inside of it.
A buffalo laps it up.
Now what…

What I mean is that
when you’re quiet,
dissolving into the sky
is a completely natural
thing to do.
You could pop back out anywhere,
coalesce out of nothing,
find yourself in an
active hygroscopic nebula,
and fall to the earth.
Something would probably
start growing there.

How would you call it?
By what name?
This is where it starts
to get pretty confusing.
I don’t know
what happened either.
It’s just how things are.
Ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes.
Two nostrils.
One tongue.
An inner arcana of feelings.
That strange glint in your eye.
Everything we’ve ever seen
was a horse
that got out of the barn.
Clydesdales up to the horizon.
Ask yourself, though,
if anyone has ever
even seen the barn?
No.
This is what I mean.

My only concern
with destinations
is that they limit
our movement.
My other concern
is that some people
are still susceptible
to their clever
ad campaigns
and innuendo
about the shortfalls
of right here.
If you think
the feelings are better
over there,
by all means…
I like watching
when people realize
they’re in dragon-fire cahoots
with everywhere.

Right on, brother.
Run the other way.
That pond’s all dried up.

Thinking about water
one last time tonight,
you will not catch water
off on its own
in the basement
of an abandoned building
praying to be made
into a better water.
Let’s think about that one.
You’ll never find a water
that’s trying like hell
to reinvent its self.

It must be the enzymes
inside of us
that are causing
all the trouble.
Like they’re all in league
together in there
or something.

Intersections of Everything

comments 15
Book Reviews / Course Ideas / Science

Earlier this week I discovered Ka’s invitation to write a few blog pieces around favorite quotations.  The challenge was framed as three posts, each built around one quotation, or as one post with three quotations.  I realized quickly it would be enjoyable to find a few quotes that I like, and to share them and explain my enthusiasm for them, but then found it was quite a difficult task to narrow down my selections.  I don’t think in terms of quotations, I discovered, but in terms of tapestries that emerge from multiple vantage points.  So, my thought is that I would like to expand the challenge a bit by providing three posts (eventually), each with three quotations from a favorite author or on a favorite subject.  Three quotes per author or subject gives me the chance to provide some depth.

And nine feels right, too.  It’s baseball season here in America.

For the the first post in this series I want to try and describe one of the reasons I enjoy reading Thomas Pynchon novels.  The reason is resonance.  Pynchon’s writing stirs me because I experience resonance through his writing to many levels of my own human experience.  The strongest resonance I feel is with the idea, interwoven throughout his works, that our world and our selves are not quite solid– that they are smoke and mirror fabrications, akin to a mirage.  It is as if our world is arising in or from another, or is itself but the superposition of other, invisible worlds– the merging of far more influences than we can fathom in any particular instant– though we sense their intersection at every turn.  These intersections are hidden from plain sight on the one hand, but obvious to behold on the other.  What is an apple, a sex toy, a rocket, or the transit of Venus, if not the manifest intersection of hidden realms?

We sense this, don’t we?  That our physical senses, faithful agents though they may be, hide as much as they reveal.  In the passages I’ve selected– one each from three different novels– I think you will see this theme emerge.

Mason & Dixon

In this passage from Mason & Dixon, Mason is emerging from a cave which he stumbled into out of some blind curiosity, where he found himself faced with the choice of being killed or speaking to a famous ear in a glass case– an ear starved to hear words, words of all kinds and languages… though words containing one’s deepest desires were strongly preferred.  Rather than revealing his true desire to be restored to his deceased wife Rebekah– that being too intimate a secret to whisper to such an ear– he requests instead a safe return voyage for his friend Dixon.  Then he is permitted to leave the cave…

“Having squirm’d past the last obstacle, Mason finds himself presently at Ground Level in the neglected Garden he glimps’d earlier.  The Walls are markedly higher in here than he remembers them from the Street,– whose ev’ry audible Nuance now comes clear to him, near and far, all of equal Loudness, from ev’ry part of the Town,– but invisible…. In its suggestion of Transition between Two Worlds, the space offers an invitation to look into his Soul for a moment, before passing back to the Port-Town he has stepp’d from…a Sailors’ waterfront Chapel, as some would say.  He begins, like a Dog, to explore the Walls, proceeding about the stone Perimeter.  Bright green Vines with red trumpet-shap’d Flowers, brighter indeed than the Day really allows…no door-ways of any kind…then Rain, salt from the Leagues of Vacant Ocean….

‘I was in a State.  I must have found the way out.  Unless the real Mason is yet there captive in that exitless Patch, and I but his Representative.’ “

When he next meets Dixon, Dixon describes his experience in a pub on the far side of the world, where “near as he could calculate, at exactly the same instant” the world went silent for a moment, and he heard Mason’s request whispered to him in a strange voice out of the darkness.  I love the way diverse points of the world open up and join here, and the way Mason off-handedly supposes he may not be the real Mason at all…  I think if we’re honest, we have this feeling as beings in this world.  We’re who we are, but the time bound version we carry of ourselves– like a picture in our wallets– is somehow a caricature…  I’ve never quite been the localized ‘me’ I thought I was…

Gravity’s Rainbow

In Gravity’s Rainbow, among many, many other things, Pynchon explores a correlation between the locations of the character Slothrop’s one night stands and the sites of German rocket strikes during the London Air Raids of WWII.

“It’s the map that spooks them all, the map Slothrop’s been keeping on his girls.  The stars fall in a Poisson distribution, just like the rocket strikes on Roger Mexico’s map of the Robot Blitz.

“But, well, it’s a bit more than the distribution.  The two patterns also happen to be identical.  They match up square for square.  The slides that Teddy Bloat’s been taking of Slothrop’s map have been projected onto Roger’s, and the two images, girl stars and rocket-strike circles, demonstrated to coincide.”

[This next paragraph is from the same passage but out of sequence.]

“Roger Mexico thinks it’s a statistical oddity.  But he feels the foundations of that discipline trembling a bit now, deeper than oddity ought to drive.  Odd, odd, odd– think of the word, such white finality in its closing clap of the tongue.  It implies moving past the tongue stop– moving beyond the zero– and into the other realm.  Of course you don’t move past.  But you do realize, intellectually, that’s how you ought to be moving.”

Pynchon peeks absurdly here at coincidence and synchronicity, suggesting at one point earlier in the narrative that the geometric correlation between the sites of Slothrop’s affairs and the rocket strikes are due to a reverse causation…  He makes love to a woman, and a week later there is a crater in the ground, but oddly it is the rocket strikes that arouse him…  Here Pynchon teases apart the idea that our world follows an orderly track, and plays with the myth that influence proceeds in only one direction.  Once again he serves up a world that is profoundly not what it seems, where his characters can’t quite fathom themselves, but are struck from time to time with the feeling they ought to be drifting beyond such attempts at straightforward interpretations.

Against the Day

This last passage is taken from Pynchon’s novel Against the Day.  (Yes, it is one paragraph in the novel as well!)

“In a dream early one morning, she stood before him holding the object.  She was naked, and weeping.  ‘Must I then take up the dreadful instrument, and flee to other shores?’  Her voice, without its waking edge of cool sarcasm, defenseless, beckoned him into its sadness.  This dream was about Umeki, but also one of those mathematicians’ dreams that surface now and then in the folklore.  He saw that if the Q-waves were in any way longitudinal, if they traveled through the Aether in any way like sound traveling through air, then among the set of further analogies to sound, somewhere in the regime, must be music–which, immediately, obligingly, he heard, or received.  The message it seemed to convey being ‘Deep among the equations describing the behavior of light, field equations, Vector and Quaternion equations, lies a set of directions, an itinerary, a map to a hidden space.  Double refraction appears again and again as a key element, permitting a view into a Creation set just to the side of this one, so close as to overlap, where the membrane between the worlds, in many places, has become too frail, too permeable, for safety…. Within this mirror, within the scalar term, within the daylit and obvious and taken-for-granted has always lain, as if in wait, the dark itinerary, the corrupted pilgrim’s guide, the nameless Station before the first, in the lightless uncreated, where salvation does not yet exist.’ “

This passage contains several of the other, more subtle resonances that I often experience reading Pynchon– too many for me to enumerate well here.  Pynchon makes reference to ideas of the aether and the music of the spheres, to quaternion mathematics, and to scalar wave electrodynamics.  In some formulations of the mathematics of electricity and magnetism there is indeed a scalar term, but it is kind of a hidden parameter of nature in the sense that it isn’t visible to instruments that rely on more obvious imbalances like the vector-oriented electric field.  A scalar variable is like temperature: it has no direction.  These are ideas that have been explored by various writers on the “fringe” of science.  Quaternions and scalars have a bit of a bad name in the mainstream communities…  This makes Pynchon’s use of the term even more interesting, for he is clearly looking into the twilight, where few are willing to look, to the boundaries of what is knowable.

There is a well-known phenomenon called the Aharanov-Bohm effect, in which light passing through particular regions of space will ‘skip a beat’, despite the fact that the electric and magnetic fields in that region of space have a value of zero.  Some have interpreted “spooky” results such as this as evidence of the viability of this scalar term.  For me, Pynchon’s allusion to nuances of electricity and magnetism as a means of lifting the curtain between worlds is delicious… and his allusion to double refraction reminds me of birefringence, which is a property of some crystals, and relatively recently discovered to be a property of living tissue itself

My suspicion is other readers have a similar experience– that reading Pynchon causes them to trace out all these hidden threads of their own personally unique web of ideas and discoveries– but with countless other allusions that are lost on me, such is the rich density of Pynchon’s prose.  The idea of “two worlds” is not an insignificant one, and as we move ever more deeply into the space of our hearts, I believe we unlock the innate ability to hold multiple worlds together– to draw a bucket of water and embody the meaning and purpose of the heavens both, simultaneously, without losing awareness of one’s own warm breath…  And this is the strongest resonance that I feel, whether Pynchon intended it or not…

The Waiting Room

comments 48
Poetry

For a while now
I’ve been tip-toeing
gingerly
around this
little tear in the fabric
of my whole world
and everything
I’ve ever known
or questioned
or waved to from afar
or shouted at
or outsmarted
or dreamed of lassoing
with real jute rope
or fallen in love with
or skipped rocks across
or retreated from
or tripped over.

Every time
I ask Hafiz
about cashing in
what’s left of my heart
for whatever it’ll buy me
and devoting
the rest of my foolishness
and failure
to forensic science,
he just nods
and points at this
little tear in the fabric
of my whole life
and everything
it might have been
or still might be
or was just starting to become
before I took a left
on Boylston
instead of continuing straight
and wound up
in this room
of star maps
and elk antlers,
dead auto engines
and stacks of manila
patent filings, and
friends with tears
in their eyes,
gods with tears
in their eyes,
children with tears
in their eyes,
deer with tears
in their eyes,
fathers with tears
in their eyes,
saints with tears
in their eyes,
mothers with tears
in their eyes
and me, with tears
in my eyes–
all of us gathered
around a little tear
straight through the fabric
of the world,
sitting back on
lacquered wooden chairs,
uncertain of what to say,
staring up at the antlers
and sighing sometimes
and wondering what
it all could possibly mean.

Feeling like
doing something,
I flip a wooden
chair over to see
if it bears any markings.

Jesus was here
it says.

I stagger out for coffee,
because it’s my turn
to make the run
and because
we depend on each other
like this
and I savor
every precious minute of it,
every crack in the sidewalk,
every sideways glance,
every movement of air and light,
knowing when I return,
I’m going to sneak
through that little tear
in the fabric of this world
and never look back.

Just like you
have done
for me.