This is the part we’re at. This one.
We want to ask if we’re there yet, but it’s not clear who we should ask. Who should we ask? These days it feels a little like if you’re asking the question, you’re probably on the list of people most likely to give a decent answer. And what do we mean by there, anyway? Anyone? My favorite part of all this is that we know exactly what we mean. This isn’t our first moment of recollection. It’s not our first hypotenuse through a cloud of dust. This ain’t our first cosmic whodunnit. Or maybe it is. Probably they’re both true. It is and it isn’t. Yes, we are there. And no, we are not. Either way, deep down, we know exactly what we mean.
I can’t help it I have a mind that wants to understand how things work. But it’s more than that. I pull on a thread for a while and it leads to the edge of a cliff, and I look down and see darkness and a field of stars, I say good. Clears that up. Clap the chalk and charcoal off my hands. Never mind there’s a hole in the earth goes down to a field of stars. Knowing how things work gives you permission to accept the obvious.
How could we be there if we’re not? It should be clear by now, one would think. That’s just how this works. You can be there even when you’re not. In fact, I’d say that’s a requisite. And meanwhile, this is just the part we’re at.
I wanted Hafiz to tell me a joke tonight. He just whispered in my ear, ask me for a loan.
What am I borrowing? What’re the terms? Kinda’ like to know these things, Hafiz.
Listen up, he says. Where you always are, but you’re not quite there yet, it’s not finite. So you could take an advance on all of it.
You mean like something to hold me over.
Yeah– couple o’ sunsets to hold you over or something. That way you’ll have it even if you don’t have it yet. And then you’ll get there, and– well, listen close… sunsets can’t go missing if they never run out now, can they?
Guess not. We’re at kinduva’ strange part then, aren’t we, Hafiz?
It’s always a curious time, he said, when people start admitting to themselves they’re there. Even when they’re not, if they just try and admit it, you know you’re in some very auspicious days.
Well, that’s about all I could stand o’ that.
I ate some protons and electrons tonight, but they weren’t necessarily in the right form. Some forms are good and some forms are bad. That’s what they say. Some help you get there and some don’t. Depends on who you ask of course. But if you ask ’em, they’re right. So ask the right ones. I have to travel five hundred miles in one direction tomorrow and introduce myself to a stranger. Me, who’s not even here yet, or there even, introducing myself… One blip of non-existence to another. Making all the difference.
I tell you what, we’re livin’ right up to the damn edge.
Course this part we’re at isn’t the only part. But it’s the part to enjoy right now. It’s the part that’s here and needs to be held and touched and known.
When people say it doesn’t always work out, they may be confused about one of two things: what is meant by always, and what this part is part of…